Embarrassing Building Syndrome (EBS) is an affliction on the rise. After meeting someone excited about his new home purchase, you quite innocently trigger the onset of symptoms by asking him which building his condominium is located in.
The face of the sufferer flushes, his eyes blink quickly, and his speech become unintelligible. Rapid breathing and a tendency to depart the conversation without explanation are more severe symptoms. It’s an affliction that mostly strikes the young and upwardly mobile who purchase new urban homes.
EBS is a disease caused by real estate developers, and only they have the power to stop it. It's brought on by having to say, out loud, the stupid name of the building where you live.
People do not want to live in a building called SQUIRT.
No one wants to go to a party and announce that they have just spent their life savings on a place called QWERTY.
Okay, that's stretching it, but here is a sampling of the worst offenders I've seen: Sapphire Tower in San Diego – "the jewel of San Diego's Columbia district"; the "magical retreats" of Orlando's Blue Rose; and Tracage, which means absolutely nothing, in New Orleans.
From Etobicoke to Vancouver, and all points between, developers seem to have tricked themselves into thinking that kooky names will sell homes. “Who doesn’t love Peach Schnapps?” they exclaim. “Let’s call the tower that!”
To be fair, while the decision ultimately rests with the developer, often it’s their marketing firms that offer up the ridiculousness. “We think you should consider names from within the carnivore family. Meat eaters are the rock stars of the forest, and everyone wants to be a rock star! Agreed? So it’s Puma Place, then? Great! Now let’s look at the logos.”
While I'm not keen to start alienating friends and potential clients here in Vancouver, there is one townhouse development that I just can’t help poking fun at. I mean, there are many others all across the country who are guilty of propagating cases of EBS, and I think you know who you are. But this one is remarkable.
Ladies and Gentlemen I give you Sugar Suites, who, with the help of the Archies singing in the background – "Sugar. Ahh, honey, honey..." – proclaim on their website that Sugar Suites are “For those that relish the sweeter things in life and discerning few who treasure every second. Sugar. Welcome to the Sweet Life.” I don’t think I need to say anything more.
So, what’s a better approach? It's about being real, and there are some developers out there who feel the same way.
How about using the street address as a name as some developers in Vancouver have done? WSix is a great example. Or reuse a neighbourhood name or nearby park as Monarch did with Bronte Creek, in Oakville, Ontario.
Are you near a well-known intersection or civic monument? The Maynards Block in Vancouver is a series of modern condos built in the city’s historical Maynards auctioneer building. The connection is clear.
In the end, it’s about finding a name that actually speaks honestly to a project and gives consumers some context and real information about that development that they can be proud of.
Real estate developer, only you can stop Embarrassing Building Syndrome. Please, do your part.
