Metaphors that span business and parenting are easy to come by. Entrepreneurs often refer to their business as “their baby,” and talk of growing and shaping it, much as you would with a child. As I make my way through the early days of parenting a newborn, I’m noticing another thread that binds parenting and entrepreneurship. It takes the form of an oft-repeated sentiment.
In parenting circles: “Yes, it’s hard, but the love will make it all worthwhile.”
In the business world: “Find what you love doing and the rest will be easy.”
Slightly different? Yes. But both are delivered as platitudes to encourage new parents and budding entrepreneurs, and both promise to see you through the rough times coming your way. Both also call to mind images of the exhausted provider smiling contentedly (or is that vice versa?) at the end of the long, hard day.
That love, though, is a double-edged sword. As a five-month veteran of the parenting gig and a ten-year entrepreneur, I admit it: I couldn’t have done all the work without my passion for it. But there’s a catch. And, like many ugly truths in parenting and business, it’s one that is rarely discussed publicly.
You’re going to be overwhelmed, hurt, and humiliated. Welcome to the shadow side of love.
It’s the sleepless night, wondering when the baby’s fever will break. It’s not knowing when or if you’ll have enough money to make the next payroll. It’s the tearing in your guts when your child cries her first fat, wet tears because of something you did. It’s a missed detail at work that threatens to submarine your whole business, your whole dream. Both parenting and entrepreneurship are high-stakes card games, and with each hand – in the beginning, at least – you feel constantly on the edge of total failure. Being comfortable with that – embracing it, even – requires incredible bravery.
That this is seldom discussed in parenting and business circles is only partially true. It’s more common in the parenting world to acknowledge the emotional toll that child-rearing will take on you. But while some mothers and fathers can be competitive, they’ll never be as secretive and cutthroat as your garden-variety business rival. In the marketplace, people breast their cards and rarely, if ever, admit their troubles.
This is a big problem. If we focus only on the fortifying side of our passion – in both parenting and business – we’re left feeling dreadfully alone on those dark nights of the soul, lying awake, wondering if we’ve made the right decisions. Victory never wants for companions, but misery could use some more company.
