BizGib: As It's Spoken

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As a multi-skilled individual with an eye for the bottom line and who collaborates extensively, I'm always open to opportunities.

Particularly the opportunity presented by bad jargon. Like the above, which I'm sure most of you have now guessed means, roughly: For money, I'll do anything for anybody.

Yes folks, we're talking about authentic business gibberish (BizGib), that verbal shorthand that is everywhere because no one wants to put an obstacle in their career path by displaying bandwidth deficiency when it comes to thought leadership.

Here's some of the latest BizGib, all of which I have caught myself using in weak moments.

Future Proofing: As in, OK, let's future proof this plan. Or this economy. Or this portfolio. Which I think means assessing risk and then forming a plan to deal with it. Maybe. Like much jargon, it sounds cool, but doesn't make sense. How do you avoid the future?

Best Practice. It's been around for a while, but it's still popular. Supposedly, this means you'll survey others in your area and pluck the best from each. Usually, it means you'll copy a mishmash of “solutions” in your business. Which then will safely be like every other one.

Results-driven. On every resume I've seen. And, probably in half the pitches I've been subjected to. Supposed to indicate that you're a tough guy who produces. But really indicates nothing. Is anyone driven to produce nothing?

Monetize. Yep, it's everywhere. Especially among consultants and venture capitalists, as in how are you going to monetize that social media play? It means convincing someone to actually pay for it.

Innovative. Modern version of “new and improved”. As in this innovative new product will change the customer experience. Despite the prevalence of this modern marketing buzzword, innovation is still a process to commercialize a new (and useful) idea – emphasis on idea -- not simply tweaking something to boost sales.

Send me your favorite piece of business gibberish.

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